well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
