Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
