i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Mom said you looked used
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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