I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize