I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize