So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
