I can text with my tongue
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
