Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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