Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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