ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
