i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
