I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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