what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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