I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That accounts for only three of the penises
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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