I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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