Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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