My balls are so social today.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
