i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
