If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
