i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
