pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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