Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize