I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
