Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hippo gnu deer
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
