I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
