Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
