I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
