I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
