I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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