i think my mom watched the whole time
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
