So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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