Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
