dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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