he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
