Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
