I bet he comes in French.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
