Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize