someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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