Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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