I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize