Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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