did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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