I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sober January is a disaster.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
