obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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