Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
