I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
