I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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