I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
