I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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