I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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