i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
