i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
