You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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