He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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