If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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