Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I pour the whiskey from now on
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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