I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize