Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she looked like the before picture.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
