He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
