Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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