Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
