Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
