I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
honey bunches of taint.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
