He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
