Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
