I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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