She is in my trunk
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
