bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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