either way he was missing a nipple.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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