I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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