a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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