Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
