Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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