fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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