I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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